I hate frogs...

Literally ... to tired ... to write. But I will!

I work 2 days a week. 2 days!!! that's nothing. It's a cakewalk compared to all those other jerks out in the workforce.

I think what's making it hard is I have to get up before 6am (if I can hear my alarm and make myself shlump out of bed) on my 2 days of work, plus get up the rest of the week early, sometimes the same time or earlier to either feed, rock, sing, bounce, whatever the girl wants at that ungodly hour of the night. I'm not complaining, I asked for it when I took that ovulation test and it gave us the green light. 3 weeks later I was with child and my sleepy fate was sealed.

What? It's 4am. You don't want to talk right now? Look at me, I'm bursting with gossip!

I've never been so tired in all my life. It's a tired like no other I have ever felt, sucking the awesome out of me. I dream of sleeping even when I'm asleep. Take last night, I slept horrible, waking up in a sweat, but not wanting to get out of bed or move the covers for fear she would know I was up and want to talk about it. I wake up in the middle of the night even when she doesn't, that's how light of a sleeper I am now. I lie awake in bed even while my husband feeds the baby or quiets her on those nights of the days I work...I think because I'm a mom and I can't relax enough to let someone else take care of her. It's her father dammit! Geez! Eh, it's normal I guess and annoying. My back is paying for it too, stressed and in constant knots.

I feel guilty sometimes for wanting to take a vacation. A sleep vacation. I don't dream of going out at night, taking in a movie or dinner (even though a dinner that doesn't involve holding a baby or watching someone else hold the baby would be nice). I dream of cold pretty beds with fluffy comforters, sleep till noon, breakfast in bed and naps....not in my house. It's too messy and full of dust and dog hair to relax.

I thought once I was able to stay home I could get something done around there for a change. Have some "me" time...I knew I would be tired, but I would be productive. But like so so so many people told me...babies are a 24/7 job and there is no "me" time, there is no sleeping, or cleaning time and you won't be home cooking glorious meals every night.
What happens is you try to do a load of laundry but the baby doesn't have that plan in store for you, she wants you to look at her, hold her, feed her...and she might let you walk away for 5 minutes, but the minute Momma gets right in the middle of a task she really can't leave to finish later...baby wants your attention again. She's a hot mess. A blazing mess of baby cuteness I can't help but run to when she calls out "maaaaaaa...waaaaaaa". Or when she's had enough of that damn spinnin' frog on her walker.

I should just blame the frog.